| News in Britain: | Stamps have gone up 14 pence |
| News in Canada: | Moose on the loose downtown |
| News in America: | Cannibal eats man's face |
| Britain: | wat. |
| News in America: | Man throws intestines at police |
| Britain: | wat |
| News in America: | Man eats roommate's heart and brain |
| News in Canada: | Porn star murders lover and mails body parts to government headquarters. |
| Britain: | Shit Canada. |
| America: | You fucked up. |
| me: | haha ok |
| autocorrect: | HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAA BLOWJOB |